D is for Debauchery

D is for Debauchery which generally comes about because of drinking, which also starts with the letter D. It isn't always necessarily the case, but most of the time, they are seen holding hands. Debaucherous drinking can be anything from drunk karaoke and home-grown poker nights to full on slathering someone in paint before taking them dancing or squirting each other with dish soap and running through sprinklers. Anyway, its usually perceived as fun, until the next morning at least.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not condoning it, but I'm not gonna lie and say I haven't participated. I just don't participate with the voracity or frequency that I used to. I remember for my twenty-first birthday, I took eleven shots of various types and combinations of hard liquor, had a bottle of champagne before I even left my house and finished off the night drinking a pitcher of beer. The next morning, I threw it all up, brushed my teeth and went to a football game. Looking back on that, I can assuredly convince myself that I am supernatural. I should have died that night, but instead, I was eating a hot dog by noon the next day. Now, if I drink a glass of red wine while cooking dinner, rest assured I'll be popping aspirin in the morning and trying to self-inflict a coat hanger lobotomy. Completely forget the hot dog. It would come right back up and double as fish bait.

In my younger days, I enjoyed getting pissed and going dancing regardless of the fact that I had lost all control of my limbs. It gave me reasons to wear viking helmets, spout my innermost private thoughts, and fall down, all with a perfectly good excuse. To a sober outsider, I was what Jesus calls a fool and sadly, I must agree with Him. In my mid-twenties, after an entirely virgin Friday night, I woke up one blessed Saturday morning feeling wonderful, like birds and mice were going to sing and dress me. It was at that point, I knew I had grown up and I've pretty much rolled with that ever since. And since I'm old lady and get sick to my stomach after one beer, I choose my libations wisely. I prefer a high-calorie, over indulgent tipple that if imprudently consumed, will tear you apart at roughly 4:00AM. So here's my decadence:

Chocolate Martini

• 1 shot Kahlua
• 1 shot Vodka
• 1/2 shot Bailey's Irish Creme
• 1 1/2 tablespoons Coffee Ice Cream
• Chocolate Syrup
  

Put everything but the chocolate in a shaker. Shake it until its blended well. Pour it into a martini glass drizzled in syrup. Enjoy it slowly and revel in your shining dignity and aspirations of a painless tomorrow.