I Know What I Know.

There are a lot of things I don't know but a few, valuable things I do. Here's a list in case of emergency:

1. If you say the word wedding, it automatically goes up by $100.

2. Eating both fiber one pop tarts in the pack= bad afternoon.

3. Ninth graders are allergic to following directions.

4. Gas pump hoses have a pop-off safety release in the case that you drive off with one still in your tank.

5. Bed Bath and Beyond means "As Seen On TV" in Hindu. It means "You'll Never Find it in All These Piles of Crap" in French. The French always have to make it complicated.

6. Potatoes can fly if put in boiling water.

7. If you are behind a Durango, a Jimmy, or heaven forbid, the dreaded Blazer, you will be late.

8. If you are on a highly anticipated date, you will have to fart.

9. During furniture assembly, there will always be one piece that is broken.

10. Wherever you find yourself, know where the plunger is.

11. The amount of Law and Order watched has a direct correlation to exactly how far your imagination will run away you.

12. Your bra will unhook itself only in the company of others.

13. Hot pink paper on birch wood table + water = hot pink birch wood table.

14. Don't ever buy generic Velveeta.

15. Never run from the dog. Especially one with foam on its mouth.

16. If you put on a clean shirt, they'll throw up on you again.

17. When creating a media project for the masses, your chances of misspelling menial words infinitely goes up.

18. Macaroni and cheese with lemon juice. Dare ya.

19. Beef jerky and powdered donuts. Double dog dare ya.

20. There will always be the lady with two shopping carts and no knowledge of how to use the self- checkout.