I Love....

Since the world needs a little more positivity (in my opinion) and I'm on this Sesame Street-ish alphabet kick, I figured for "L" I'd list something oddball that I love for every letter of the alphabet. But the deal-e-o is, I want to hear yours. :)

Asiago cheese bagels with reduced fat cream cheese. The "reduced fat" part does some reverse psychology helping me forget I'm eating close to half a day's calories in one bagel.

Babies. I love to hand them back at the end of the day.

Chapstick. I'm just glad I don't have to use it intravenously or I'd have track marks like a Central Park crack whore.

Donkeys. And small horses. Donkey's are just so sweet and obviously make the best animal noise possible (hyenas are a close second). My great uncle had one named Chico that stood in the same spot by the fence, all day every day. There is a mini horse farm near my house. I cannot lie. I have pulled over to pet the mini horses.

Erasers. They just feel cool because of the volcanic rock in them. Or was that just an urban legend?

Fogies. I love old people. I love their stories. I'm envious that they got to live in times where personal propriety existed. I love the fact that I can look at them as they type on their 22" laptop fully aware that they've seen the invention of toilet paper.

Goonies. I finally bought the DVD of it this year and regardless of how many times I watch it, I still want to ride down those tunnel water slides and I would have totally stuck some jewels in my underwear. The Fratelli's wouldn't have checked there.

H&M- Apparently Oklahoma isn't one of the "cool" states so the nearest one is roughly a continent away. But I can't get enough of being able to buy trendy clothes at a reasonable price. It's like Forever 21 minus the need for Ritalin to shop there.

In The Raw. It's a local sushi joint in Tulsa. I hate sushi. But they have an expensive steak there that I'd give my right ovary for and since I don't like anything else on the menu, it seems perfectly reasonable to get the steak.

Jack Sparrow, Captain that is. First off, anyone denying that while stranded on a tropical beach is straight loony. Secondly, burning off all the rum while stranded on a remote tropical island with Jack Sparrow (ok. Really just Johnny Depp) is just a tragedy. And thirdly, I would have given my next year's salary for him to pose just one time like Captain Morgan right in the middle of that Disney flick.

K9's- Doggies that is. Doggies Doggies and more Doggies. My finance once asked me what the chances were that one day I'd come home with 48 dogs. I shrugged, "Pretty good."

Lingerie. It's always a good laugh picturing myself in it.

May. Ah the month the children go home. The month I get married. The month I can celebrate an entirely different country's Independence day with salsa and beer.

Nougat. I have no idea what nougat is made of or what it's technical state of matter is. All I know if that it tastes good and my thighs love it.

Opening Mail. It's like Christmas! (so long as it isn't a cut-off notice)

Potatoes. Au Gratin. Baked, Caked, Diced, Evaporated, Frenched, Garnished, Homemade, Irish, Julienned, Kosher, Loaded, Mashed, Natural, O'Briened, Peeled, Curly Q'ed, Roasted, Sweet, Toasted, Uncooked, Vegan, Wild, X Crossed, Yellow or Zapped. I will eat a potato for breakfast. Love 'em.

Quart sized baggies. These are the perfect size. The sandwich size only fits sandwiches whereas the quart can hold leftovers, become an icepack, or store an extra pair of panties in your car, just in case. The gallon size is too big. Much too big.

Red lipstick. I always feel like a cheap hooker right when I put it on. But combined with the correct attitude, you can feel like a siren.

Sonic ice. Those of you reading this may not have a Sonic Drive-In in your sad little place of residence so in case you don't. here's a quick synopsis: Sonic is heaven and can kill you in five minutes. You can get burgers, coney's, fries, tots, fried cheese, milk shakes, ice cream and slushies. You can also get fountain drinks in something that resembles a small barrel. And it comes with this crushed ice that is so great for chewing. People actually just drive up and just buy the ice.

Tumbling. At this age, it looks and feels more like I'm being thrown around by F5 tornado winds, but there's no feeling to match yourself flipping end over end on purpose.

Underpants. Panties, whatever. I have about five thousand pairs. There are particular pairs for underneath dress pants and yoga pants. Certain ones for sleeping. Some are for summer only and others are considered "curse panties" for when mother nature tries to destroy Victoria's Secret. Most of them are nude string bikinis but a few are crazy colors. I have one boy cut pair with a picture of my dog on it.

Vasectomy reversal billboards. Really?? They make me laugh much like the Cialis and Viagra commercials. Call me immature for laughing but really???? I understands a men's health magazine or pamphlets in locker rooms, but billboards? Public television?? Cut to story time-

Once, on Thanksgiving day, I was sitting in the living room with my 90 year old grandfather and my dad. (That is correct, I was not helping my mother cook. Yes I know. I am going to hell. Just hold tight- I get my just dues....) A Viagra commercial comes on and they're at the part where they list all the side effects, one being, "If you have an erection lasting more than four hours, seek medical attention." As if being in the room with two men while a wiener plumper commercial is on isn't awkward enough, my ornery father looks at my grandpa and laughs, "Can you imagine a hard-on for four hours?" My mother shouts from the kitchen "That is NOT an appropriate conversation," while my grandfather just laughs. I promptly exit the room and take my rightful place in the kitchen. Cut back to prior paragraph.....

I totally get how a man would want something like that fixed (and his wife, partner, whatever) but I wonder how many men have looked at that billboard and actually said, "You know what, honey? I think I'd like to get a vasectomy reversal."

Wienermobile. Speaking of wieners. I always pictured myself getting married in Vegas and riding off down the strip in the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile. I may not have Vegas but I wonder about the latter......

X Chromosome. I love being a girl. I get to look beautiful even if no one else thinks so, I get the right to be crabby once a month even if I don't have a period and I won't ever be bald or colorblind, and will always be able to clot my blood. To all you Y affiliated people out there- Sorry suckas!

Yahoo Babelfish. I have the ability to write home to your momma, you Urdu speaking punk!

Zygotes- we were all one once. All the same color, androgynous and silently floating through our mom's fallopian tube. Ahhh..... I remember those minutes. The last real time I felt rested. But zygote- such a great word.