MeeMaw Maureen and her Democratic Ways

As I sit ill on my couch reading a stimulating Facebook debate over health care reform, I found that I would like to write my own editorial of the subject, as I am the chief editor of this locale. It will be a series of commentaries so I may portray my arbitrary thoughts and feelings in a witty, clever and much anticipated expose, indisputably after consuming mugs of warm Bushmills hot chocolate. I do understand that this will undoubtedly irritate some, to which I politely say, go blog about it.

Health care reform, the next great brain-child of our government. But is there really a debate about this? Don't we all genuinely want health care for everyone, poor or wealthy? The argument does not lie in the fact that we want rich or poor people dying but more about who wants to sling some mud somewhere. It's turned into nothing more than the totally unoriginal "I'm a liberal Democrat and you're a Republican turd! Thanks for flushing the economy in the toilet and giving birth to President Bush who ruined everything and melted the icebergs!" "Really?!?! You're an amoral, unethical Democrat and I am a Republican savior of the masses! Thanks for screwing interns and our defense fund so terrorism and dead babies can reign supreme!!!" We can all sling runny dog logs any way we want but bottom line is this: we're in the here-and-now. We took all those history classes for one reason- to learn from our mistakes. Let's put it to good use.

My grandmother was a Democrat. She is currently rolling in her grave because her three children are registered Republicans. She was a staunch Democrat not because she rallied for gay sex, Al Gore, or her "right to choose." She was as right-wing as Barbara Bush herself. She thought oral sex was actually speaking the word "intercourse" out loud. But she was a Dem because of one reason: FDR. She loved him until the bitter end. Why? When the world was falling apart in the 30's, he created jobs for them. He taught them how to work and gave them self respect again. He was a great man. It was for that reason that she remained a Democrat her entire life, despite the evolving liberal lifestyles most Dems accrued around her over the years. In fact, if she knew just how "Democratic" a few of her loved ones were, rolling in that rosy casket because of her children's voting registration would be her morning warm-up. She'd dig her ass right out of the ground and come after a few of them with her hummingbird feeder. Bottom line-it just doesn't mean to them what it meant to her. This all just proves one thing for me- partisanship means absolutely nothing today. There's no drive behind it like my matriarch had; no passion or substantial reason for believing your group is worth a damn. It's just a really convenient mental justification for most people to slander another human being since neither party has produced anything more than mediocre in two decades. So really, all this partisan mud slinging over health care is just about as effective as throwing marshmallows at a mugger. Instead of trying to fix the problem, we're too busy being distracted.

262,800 Hours

In less than 26 hours, I will be leaving the second decade of my life and entering the third. I don't know about the others who have transitioned already, but it has really caused me to take a mental inventory of how I've used my time and what my plans are for it in the next ten years. Those hours will be spent quite differently.
I'm a little older now and have found that I have developed a new mantra, a new MO if you will. It's called "I don't give a crap." Now, please don't mistake that with, "I don't care." I care about lots of people and lots of thing. The crap I am referring to is living up to everyone else's standards. Let me give you a few examples. In my twenties, I drank an enormous amount and acted like an idiot. I'm dumber because of it. I imbibed because it seemed fun, I was pretty good at it and it seemed to be expected of me. But truth be told, I don't find it all that fun, I really can't stand more than one or two and have been convicted of it throughout the whole phase. Most drinking is generally gross and turns me into Tonya Harding most of the time and the next morning I always feel like my digestive tract is made of rubber automotive tubing. I'd much rather have a clear conscience and good sleep. Will I continue to partake of adult beverages, sure. But don't order me another one. I don't need the extra calories and kitten breath to make an idiot of myself. I'm doing just fine on my own.
Example number two- Friday nights. I know that everyones supposed to live it up, go on dates, undo your collar on Friday nights, etc. You know what? I like to clean my house. I hit up the Redbox on the way home for the latest B-lister flick and get absorbed in it while relishing in the beauty of Countertop Magic shine glistening off my green linoleum. There's just something about doing mind-numbing housework after a long week of restless constant noise that really smooths me over like a fresh bikini wax. I don't want to get dressed up and have the sloppy office newbie spill their drink all over me just to be out with the "it" crowd. Give me a tub and some scrubbing bubbles and I'll show you a real party. Think I'm a loser? Kiss my ass. My house is cleaner than yours, you filthy camel.
I especially enjoy just speaking my mind now a days. I heard that kinda came with the territory of being thirty. I've been John Mayering up and saying what I need to say. For instance, I can't wait until the next person says, "Well what are you waiting for? How come your not gettin married? You aren't getting any younger!" I'm going to reply with, "Why aren't you getting a face lift and why are you skipping your tutoring sessions with Miss Manners?" First off, don't be a Potsy and ask such a stupid question when it's obviously not an individual decision in the first place. It's not like I'm going shopping for underwear and just taking my time deciding between the comfort of full coverage or sex appeal of string bikinis. And what part of being in my thirties requires me to get married? Do you lose body parts in your thirties and are going to need someone to charge up your Hoveround for you? And if you make any reference to my eggs or my biological clock, I'm going to tell you you have ugly kids and your parents should have chosen genetic partners more wisely.
So, in short, my next 87,600 hours will be chock full of significance rather than apprehension to false standards. I am no longer going to spend my precious hours worrying about senseless crap. If you don't like me, great. If you think I'm self-centered or am not very smart, hit up Facebook and make a new friend. I'm ok with it. If I'm too thin or too fat, share your opinion with me and I'll put it in my back pocket until I see the nearest trash receptacle when you're not looking. Think I'm not a good enough Christian to hang out with you? Hit up Romans 3:10 and start worrying about yourself. If I don't make enough money, feel free to go work your face off to continually unimpress others. I am going to spend more time with people who see value in me, not people who find that I'm quite resourceful in a tight spot. I want to pour myself into others and finding out what they are all about and showing them the value in themselves; not sitting around devaluing others and myself. If that sounds like something that interests you, post me up sometime and lets spend a few hours together.