Top Ten Reasons its Great to Be Non-Married

10. There's a half gallon of milk, carpet cleaner, a satin pageant sash, Q-tips, the receipt from your most recent pap smear, a ceramic pig, your car title, some leftover cheese and a crusty knife, $116 cash, a hanging plant with one leaf, a wet glove and Armor All within five feet of each other on your kitchen counter and it doesn't matter. No one will see.

9. Your Christmas tree can stay up as long as you deem.

8. Your bathroom is your very own personal recording studio, much like P Diddy's. Also like P Diddy, there is no room for critics of your singing abilities and/or the amounts of hair products you own. American Idol has nothin' on this, beeyoch.

7. You bed is your domain. Your small kingdom, if you will. The comforter, blankets, pillows and sheets- all to your liking. Fart in them if you wish.

6. You can come home after work and not feel the need to be cute or impress anyone but yourself. I prefer my thin, green homemade Masters Champion t-shirt sans bra so I can walk around with National Geographic boobs, my navy, men's XL baseball sweatpants that I stole from a kid in high school, my brown loafers, and my black cardigan. I very much resemble the dad in A Christmas Story. And I love it. Hott.

5. Don't feel like cooking? That's nothing that saltines, some Taco Bell fire sauce packets and a few scoops of orange sherbet can't fix.

4. There is no need to worry that someone will walk in and discover the tang in the air courtesy of your post-work happy hour margaritas and enchilada platter from the El Rancho Viejo, never mind the toilet skids.

3. I can blog with out explaining why I am threatening my life by using my laptop in the bathtub.

2. You can sit all afternoon and read the Twilight saga for the third time and there's no one to scold or debase you for brazenly squandering your time/loitering in a fantasy world to circumvent the mediocrity of your own existence/seducing yourself into believing there are men that are actually THAT devoted with huge sums of money/looks AND can run fast.

1. I can do what I want.